The Tale of Rukia
by forbiddenforever70
Summary: this is a story about rukia and byakuya finding themselves through friendship love and lust and what they are willing to do or not do about it.
1. Thinking and Baking

Its true I am crazy. I think this is like the 4th or 5th rewrite. Sorry if anyone is sick of this. Again I am really trying to make it better. So it would be really lovely if anyone else would give me some feed back. Thanks!

I don't own bleach or its characters.

**Concentrating...**

Tiny ice crystals start to drift out of the small shinigami's lips with each exhalation. Each breath released, intensifies in coldness. There is a gentle streaming winter wind that is flowing from her body with a sparkling shine as the sun from the kitchen windows catches each of these icy flakes.

In order to get to this place, she must release. Release her thoughts of the Seirieti, the ancient buildings and clothing worn here as well as the inhabitants. She must release the computers and technologies that rival the modern world. There must be a letting go of this place she loves as well as the release of her love of the modern world. She must even strip her mind of her most awesome friends, her sister, and her brother. These worlds are amazing and terrible all at the same time. She must free her mind of the idea of the bridge which connects these places too.

Right now, she must embrace the magic, her inner kido, the one without spells just yet. She must merge with the blankness which becomes coldness, and just feel without expectation. And then, it's over.

Standing there, looking down at her dough, "Well crap that didn't last long," Rukia's voice breaks the silence of the room, although no one is there to hear it.

Sode no Shirayuki had requested Rukia to start meditating without her, without going to their inner world. Rukia needed to branch out in different ways, if she wanted to become more powerful. So, she took Shirayuki's advice, and this is what happened. The only problem is she has been doing it for six long months, and well, her breath as fabulous as it is, isn't very powerful yet. The best she can do is keep the pastry dough chilled quite well.

Previously when she had been at Ichigo's spending time and patrolling, she had taken up baking with Yuzu, who was, by the way, a wonderful cook. Yuzu was showing her how to make the dough for an apricot tart, and had informed her that although the ingredients are quite simple, one must keep them cold in order to have a crust which is delicate, crisp, and buttery every time. Apparently, this was no easy task. Enter "The Ice Breath". In the kitchen of the manor, she now rolled out her own dough made of ice water, butter, salt, and sugar. She employed her breathing technique, which would assure the most delectable crust. Lately, she has been baking up a storm to impress the gentlemen in her life.

The first time she brought Renji pastries, she thought he was going to have an orgasm.

"OOOOhhh….RRRuukkkia….OOOhhh….," spilled from his lips, as he closed his eyes while devouring the little tart. It was so over the top Byakuya slid open his door to inquire what the fuss was about, as it almost sounded indecent.

With a cocked eyebrow and an irritated look "Renji!" he said sternly.

"Oops, sorry, Taicho, I got carried away, but have you had any of these, and who knew Rukia could bake?" Renji explained, as he stood very upright and at attention with a ridiculous grin on his face for his formidable captain who had now entered the room.

Byakuya walks over, takes one tart, then a bite, looks at Rukia, without expression of course, and says to her, "Don't you have any work to do at your division, or are free to do whatever you want whenever you want?" And with that, he is already with his back to her, sliding his door shut.

She is just standing there, looking at the closed screen, and begins to say almost whispering, "Sometimes, he really does have a stick up his…,"being cut off. "Goodbye Rukia" he says loudly, but calmly from the other room.

Renji puts his hands up, just give me a scrunched face, and tells me he will see me later.

That memory brings her back to today. It was her day off, and her turn to arrange their "family night" as she called it. She was cooking dinner and dessert for them this evening. She was making sakuranbo tarts since it is summer, and they are in season. There would be rice balls with umeboshi and sesame seeds. She was also excited about making a pickled cucumber salad and spicy pork. It's all rather easy, nothing complicated, but hopefully it will all be delicious. At least, she hopes Byakuya will think so.

Since the war, so many things have happened between them. Initially, one of the most shocking things happened after the war. When all had been settled, he had summoned her to his study. She remembers him requesting they spend more time together. 'Time together?' she thought to herself, as he paced in front of her, and then finally stopping to look at her as she loudly gasped at this comment.

"Is that so strange?" he said in a most quiet and serious voice as he restrained himself from giving her the glare.

"Well no, ummmm well yes," she replied nervously looking at the floor avoiding his piercing grey eyes. She continued on in a frankness that was almost shocking to him explaining how it seemed out of his character to make such a request. She wasn't complaining, because of course, she would most certainly love to know Nii sama better, and even be his friend if that were possible. It was just surprising for him to be so forward about things, to take a real interest their somewhat limited relationship.

Yes, the mood between them had been less intense since the execution, but THIS request was just so unexpected overwhelming even. In her mind, she knew it would be nerve wracking trying to get to know him, wouldn't it? He is so perfect, handsome, and silent. It would definitely be intimidating.

What Rukia didn't know at that time was his own inner dialogue during that initial meeting about them getting to know each other. He withheld his smirk as he watched her verbally fumble through her thoughts. This was also not the first or would be the last time he noticed how beautiful she was. The lowered black lashes that almost seemed to be lying against the tops of her porcelain cheeks, the single strand of black hair that hid the furrow of her forehead, a hint of chalky collarbone as her shoulders were set back and straight as she held her hands behind her pushing the top portion of her shihakusho back ever so slightly, and the curve of her shoulder to her neck. These alabaster reveries of her skin were something he often tried to ignore. It was a hard task indeed especially when one is visually assaulted by Hisana's doppelganger for over fifty years now. It was difficult at times, but at the same time it was his secret pleasure. A small twisted part of him loved to watch her explain herself respectfully and awkwardly specifically when she was being honest and forthright. She looked so flustered the way she lowered her face and stared intensely at the floor all the while trying to avoid facial expressions. This also reminded him of some other violet eyes that made his heart ache, and then later other parts of him as well. If he had been Renji making this seemingly absurd request there would surely be name calling and head slapping involved. He liked it that she knew her place in relationship to him. Thankfully, things between them had moved slowly at least at that point.

Back to now. How could Rukia forget those initial family nights? They were quite awkward at first. The person who was in charge of "family night" would usually field questions from the other person about their activity because this would ensure at worst minimal conversation. Then there would be silence until someone had the nerve to say something once again. It was almost the end of summer, and now they had done many activities together since then. There were lunches at the sixth squad, dinners out, calligraphy(shodo), gardening, going over their family history together, trips to the living world, and they even went to a spring festival together. It was her idea of course. During the festival, he had even made a joke which wasn't a joke, but they both ended up laughing. Who knew Kuchiki Byakuya could laugh so dazzlingly. It was after that, the air between them seemed so light and unrestricted. That is when "things" started happening.

These" happenings" have been going on for almost two seasons now. First, there was what seemed like staring at the beginning of their breakfasts. These past months she had been particularly tired in the mornings due to some late evenings spent with Renji. Catching those stormy grey eyes on her so early in the morning could be a little disconcerting. Originally, she thought it was her imagination, but then she would space out on purpose and catch him doing it on the sly. She thought maybe he was displeased about her late nights with Renji because she couldn't exactly read what was going on in those eyes. However, they were comfortable enough for him to at least admonish her if she was not behaving noble enough. He didn't say anything so she didn't say anything, and then they would have their regular morning conversations after the ritual staring had concluded. Why stir the pot, right? What she really started to notice again was his handsomeness. She would try to inhibit her blushing when she noticed his gaze upon her. It started to feel like the attraction she had felt for him physically during the first couple of years living at the manor. She had received the cold shoulder which made her often wonder what his real intentions had been as she was told she looked like his first wife. She eventually learned to ignore his good looks as his personality kind of ruined them. Obviously much later he did tell her the real reasons of her adoption which opened a space of softness in her heart and even more respect for him. It was then she also knew there was no impropriety on his part, but perhaps has that changed?

Then there was the closeness that became closer that during calligraphy. At first he would stand next to her quite closely as they practiced their symbols. At first he would instruct her while side glancing at her work and then a full critique when done. Eventually he began standing behind her his gentle breathing caressing the back of her neck as he would tell her to relax and move her arm and hand with more fluid movements. Perhaps she was imagining it? No because when it happened enough times and when she began thinking about it she actually knocked over the bottle of ink. Really what was he thinking? How is a girl supposed to concentrate with Kuchiki Byakuya an imposingly handsome figure to her small frame literally breathing on her? That's when she started thinking about him in other ways. That's when she would imagine what his touch would be like, and thinking about what his large smooth or rough hands would feel like on certain parts of her body. She would wonder what it would be like to smell his hair, what his lips would taste like, and would he be gentle or rough between the sheets. They were maddening thoughts that could bring her to the brink especially when these thoughts occurred while being in bed.

The last incident which broke the whole damn thing down was the evening after the tart incident with Renji. She originally didn't bring any for Byakuya because he wasn't particular to sweets. That evening, she had arrived home late, missing dinner with Byakuya. She decided to take some tea and eat some of her own pastries out in the garden. It was a warm spring night, and she was just relaxing, savoring the taste of her tart and tea while resting her eyes when every hair on her body stood on edge.

" Your tart was delicious today Rukia," he whispered so lightly, his lips almost touching her ear, and his warm breath spreading across her neck and cheek.

"Niisama?" the only word that she could force out of her mouth as she opened her eyes looking up at him sleepily.

"Goodnight," The last word spoken as he disappeared into the garden, his figure fading into the darkness.

She could have sworn his eyes looked as dreamy as her body felt but there was no way to know now as he was gone so quickly.

Now there a need for these constant little surprises. Well, they are not really surprises anymore. In the mornings, she spaces out on purpose just to catch him looking at her. She actually looks forward to shodo now and his stern voice when she messes up on purpose so he bends in even closer if thats even possible at this point. She has actually become braver in her words with him. She often uses a slight teasing manner speaking to him when they are alone but rarely looking at him because she might die of embarrassment. This was her sister's husband. She wanted to feel bad or guilty about it, but somehow she didn't. This ache for him was slowly driving her crazy. Of course, these things never happened in public places or with people around, and no one ever mentions them either.

So what is going on? What is this strange relationship they have? At times it drives her to the comfort of Renji. Best friends with some benefits because she is not the only one sharing kisses with him, and well he is sharing much more with others. So don't go and feel sorry for him. All of these thoughts seemed to be rattling through her brain.

He finally looks at me now she thinks to herself while finishing up her cooking. She would also be a liar if she thought dinner was just about dinner. It was so much more than that, and she really was dying with anticipation.

**On His Way To Dinner...**

Byakuya wraps up his body from his bath in a light summer kimono as he watches the sun starting to retreat in the sky from his bathing room. His long black hair is almost dry due to this summer heat. He is beginning to develop some perspiration above his brow already as he gently dabs it with his towel, and then hangs it back up. The tiles of his bathroom floor feel cool on his feet as he wishes he could just lie down and rest there for awhile. Images of Rukia in the garden start passing through his mind. She is probably already waiting for him in the garden where they are having their evening meal tonight. As he leaves the bathroom and enters his bedroom, he smiles to himself. He imagines her in various stages of undress her white skin glowing attracting him like a lowly insect. He really needs to stop these impossible thoughts. He stands there trying to clear his mind so he can be off...because what excuse could there be for his tardiness? "Get some control Byakuya," he tells himself as one last image of her looking up at him through those dark lashes flashes through his mind's eyes. He tries to quell his smile but allows himself the pleasure of it as he thinks of what he would really to do her. Finally, clearing his mind he steps through the bedroom door into the hall and walks silently across polished wood floors towards the garden.


	2. Dinner with Byakuya

**Harsh Suprises...**

"It is so beautiful," She whispered to herself. Who knew little Miss Kuchiki Rukia had so much style.

Tonight under the leafed out sakura trees there was a polished pearl grey bottle filled with sake and two small cups on the low natural wood table which sat on an outdoor mat with two large rounded grey silk pillows with silver, white, and pink sakura branches with flowers embroidered on them on opposite sides of the table. There was also a white linen napkin folded by each plate. The table was set with narrow oval dishes in the color of iridescent pink seashells filled with rice balls stuffed with umeboshi(pickled plums) covered with salt and black sesame seeds, another with spicy pork, and a bowl of the same color filled with a pickled cucumber salad, and another dish with two sakurando(cherry) tarts, chop sticks with a small delicate floral motif in black and grey on them. There were a several white candles lit and a shallow bowl filled with the pinkish purple head of a hydrangea plant as well on the table. It wasn't a lot of food but then she couldn't really eat that much in front of him, and he never seemed to eat that much either. As she stepped back, the scene once again took her breath away as she noticed the long glowing paper lanterns with various shades of pink flowers painted on them. They emitted a warm buttery yellow color in the twilight of the sky as they gently swayed in the breeze floating over the dinner table.

This really is the only time she allowed herself girlish pleasures.

"Oi Rukia, I didn't know you were expecting me for dinner?" Renji said in a low sexy voice.

She almost jumped about ten feet because his voice was the last voice she expected to hear so closely in her ear.

"It is not for you, idiot," she replied rudely with a hint of flirtation.

"So are you dating someone now?" he asked teasingly.

"What makes you think that?" she stated.

He just looked at her, and said "Really?"

"I'm having dinner with Niisama…family night….remember Renji," she scolded with smiling eyes.

"So your dating Niisama now…is that why you have been so frustrated lately because he never gives you any?" Renji said with a deep tone that almost sounded jealous and very sarcastic while looking at her quite intensely.

She was trying with all her willpower not to blush furiously as she realized his tone wasn't quite so playful. Her gut clenched, and not in a good way.

"Yes Renji… Niisaaamma never gives me any…you sure got me….I am dating my brother….PLEASE don't tell anyone…" as she was cut off.

Renji's voice now had a very serious and confrontational tone, "Don't try to fuck with my head Rukia, you obviously have some feelings for him. You two seem to be spending a lot more time together. I mean, look at this set up and for Taicho no less. Come on ask me how I know this? Come on ask me."

"Stop right now!" Rukia hissed at him.

Renji continued his little tirade, "Ever since you two have been having your weird little family parties once a week you always come to see me later in the night completely hot and ALMOST ready to go."

She thought she was going to die when those words came out of his mouth. As she looked into Renji's Scowling face she almost laughed as she imagined him marking down the times of their make out sessions, tattooed brows furrowed, and connecting the dots.

He continued on in an angry hushed tone," You never seem ready to fuck me unless it's after one of these little deals, and I am always the one to stop you which fucking kills me. Did you think I wouldn't notice? "His voice sounded sad and angry as he stared into those violet eyes trying to find some answers.

Why did he have to look so handsome while he was pissed and correct? This was the first thought that travelled through her mind. It made it difficult to be mad at him because of this. The next instantaneous thought was BUSTED.

With a sigh," Renji do you have to use so many profanities, what if some hears you and thinks we are sleeping together." She was now trying to deflect desperately, but her voice still calm," You know I have only been kissing you, and sometimes it is hard to hold back, _and_ if anyone has the right to be jealous here _you_ are the one who has had and still has other friends enjoying your bed in more explicit ways."

He could see the hurt in her eyes as she looked away from him as she spoke, but ultimately he knew she couldn't look at him having these many truths standing there before them. He could barely look at her as well.

'So there it was. It was the fact that there were and are other women not many but some nonetheless. He was supposed to be a monk on top of all the bullshit he has put himself through in his effort to be good enough over the last fifty something years. I really can be a dick sometimes, but I have my reasons,' he thought to himself.

He knew he had waited too long, and wondered if his gigantic chip would ever fall off his shoulder. He should have made his move after things settled down from the execution but so much was going on at that time. He also thought she was in love with Ichigo so he didnt want to get in the way. That's why he really didn't make a huge effort to keep his sexual antics to himself or to stop them. He had an ego to maintain, even though he really did hate that about himself. He did come tonight to see what little scene was playing out between Rukia and Byakuya. He had seen enough to know what he thought was correct. Yes, he would continue to let her come to him because he wouldn't be able to help himself. He would always be in love with her, even if each of them married someone else someday. That's just how it was. _She would always be a part of him..._

" See you later then," his last words dripped with more sarcasm.

As she watched Renji leave she felt sick. She looked at her little dinner and felt even sicker. Was it too much? She might as well lie down and open her legs and say, 'Could you do me Niisama?' What a slut and a horrible person she was how could she be a good friend or a sister to Byakuya? How could that be, especially if her intentions are really seduction. That's what's going on here, right. Renji had completely figured her out. How could he not? He did know her the best even after all this time. What kind of friend had she been to Renji as well? She apparently has been a selfish user. Really she deserved no one. She was stupid to think she could let go and live a little.

She plopped herself down on a pillow and promptly poured herself a sake. That had to be the worst ten minutes she had experienced recently. So now trying to calm herself down she started to breathe. Letting all of it slide away in her mind…in and out...in and out…feeling the coldness in her chest…she was a gentle icy wind flowing out of her body. Her mind blank now…."Rukia why is it snowing" a sharp voice behind her brought her back to reality.

**Waiting...**

An irritation passed over his face as he neared the garden and stopped in his tracks lowering his riatsu. Byakuya could feel Renji and Rukias' riatsus flare up yet he could only hear hushed voices.

'What is he doing here now,' he thought to himself.

Of course he knew why. It had everything to do with Rukia. He was not blind to Renji's feelings. Everything he did was very transparent. Byakuya found Renji's obvious behaviour very distasteful and even more so because he was oblivious to it as well. The way he looked into Rukia's eyes and stared at her lips when she was in the sixth division offices was often times embarrassing. Many times Byakuya would call out Renji's name just to distract him.

He did feel a little jealous of their closeness which was especially ludicrous although no one would EVER know that. He knew there was something more to their relationship than their juvenile bickering and something more had been going on between them since the war ended about the same time their "family nights" had began. It was their difficult and tragic history that kept them tied together. He could sense their closeness but also her hesitation with Renji. He is sure Renji would love to take his relationship with Rukia further but ultimately knows better as he would most certainly split Renji open with Sebonzakura. Everyone seemed to think Rukia had feelings for Kurosaki, but he knew if she had to choose someone it would be Renji over Kurosaki as he was still really a child. Renji was an attractive, powerful man and quite popular with many females. What he did not understand is why Rukia tolerated not being the only romantic interest if thats what one calls them. Was that because she was not really serious about him? Renji had no discretion and was that because he knew there was really no future for them. He, himself, has even submitted to pleasures. However, no one would be the wiser about it. He knew Renji would always be a part of her family no matter what happened between them. In a way her relationship with each of them was somewhat similar. She was thrown into a life with each of them and not really of her own accord but as a means of survival. He knew Renji would always be there to TRY and save Rukia, even die trying, but we all knew who would really be the one to do the saving if necessary. And on that note, he also knew something was going on between himself and his adopted sister even though nothing would ever come of it.

He had waited long enough with his thoughts to know that Renji had now left. As he proceeded forward toward their garden dinner, he noticed how the lanterns and candlelight seemed to make her glow around the edges of her body. There was also an iridescent stream which sparkled in the light against the darkening evening sky when he realized they were tiny little snow crystals. He watched the scene for a moment and felt a stirring of warmth.

'Oh, Hisana,' he thought silently.

She is the one who brought all of this about. He could no longer love her as a wife, and it was his fear to let her go which allowed him to behave the way he did with Rukia for so long. He could no longer maintain the distance simply because he did not want to anymore and it was complicated. Yes, it was hard in the beginning because she looked like Hisana. The difference was that they were not the same. What if Rukia looked completely different yet still beautiful? Would being in the same proximity bring about the development of some kind of chemistry? He loved her audacious spirit which spilled out of her even when she was trying her best to rein it in. She hid it well for those she didn't know and the Elders. Now with their relationship changing becoming closer, she could not hold it in quite as well anymore. He loved how her violet eyes sparkled when she really wanted to tell him off, but didn't. It made him feel powerful and dangerously sexual at times. If she were to punch him the way she did Renji there would be no holding back. She would surely find herself on her both knees, wrists behind her back in one of his large hands, his other hand in her hair gripping her tightly, and saying very terrible things to her. Thank goodness they were far from being physical on any level now or probably ever but a man can dream right?

"Rukia, why is it snowing?" The sharp sound of Byakuya made her eyes fly open as he came around to sit directly opposite of her

"It's something new I have been practicing Niisama. Although it's not a very powerful stream of ice, but it does help me with baking," she said a little shaken from the surprise of hearing him. She then continued to rattle on about Sode No Shirayuki, the possibility of achieving bankai, and baking still seeming a little nervous.

"Are you alright?" he asked her.

"I am fine. Renji and I had a fight. It's nothing important," she said hoping he hadn't heard there conversation by any chance. His grey eyes looked very calm as he looked at her so he probably didn't hear anything, and thank goodness.

"Well this looks very nice, such a grand effort Rukia, thank you. Would you like me punish Abarai for making you upset?" He said teasingly in a reserved Byakuya way, if one can imagine it.

Instantly she felt relaxed again yet all girly and nervous as his almost smiling gaze rested upon her."No no Niisama. He is an idiot, but a loveable one. You torment him enough, do you not? They both chuckled a little bit and began eating.

After the meal, their conversation about the day was nearly over. They finished up the sake while the servants removed the dishes and such. Rukia turned to the head servant and informed him that there were more tarts in the pantry, and if they were interested they would be free to eat them. The servants thanked her as they exited out of the garden.

"Really, you are cooking for the servants now," Byakuya said staring into the sky.

'Did he know how gorgeous he was in the soft light of candles and lanterns?' She thought to herself.

"You know you are just jealous because you wanted to eat the rest of them yourself," She replied looking back at him.

If she only knew what he really wanted to put inside of his mouth.

"Perhaps, I will run away and become a great pastry chef in the real world," She said laughingly and feeling quite tipsy at the same time due to much sake intake.

"You will most certainly not. I won't allow it "He said staring directly into her eyes. His grey eyes sparkling almost silver in the candlelight.

Her breathing and heart stopped. There was a tightness which swarmed over her nether regions as she replied to him staring directly and defiantly into his eyes "You can't stop me."

That was it. Byakuya had had enough of looking at her beautiful face lit up in the candlelight, her soft white skin glowing, her eyes twinkling like stars in the the indigo sky above them, dark tendrils of black hair caressing her neck and ears, the heady smell of sandal wood and roses mixed with the slightest hint of sake and that mouth, her smart mouth. The banter was becoming too much for him.

"Good night and thank you Rukia," he said getting up and trying to regain what little composure he had lost."I will see you at breakfast," and with his final words, he quickly left the garden.

Yes Yes Yes so many changes I know. Am I driving you crazy yet? I hope so.

Reviews Please….they would be nice….THANKS!

* * *

I just wanted to thank F for the invaluable advice and being the first review. Its not perfect in the grammar department but i hope its better and better story wise.

All right...so i have toned things down...way down. I am trying to squeeze the cheese out of this and clean up my sloppy writing. So Leave a comment...really i can take it ummm maybe i cant so be nice about it because obviously i am trying to make better changes. It was suggested to me to maybe start over and take the good parts to make a new story...that is a VERY GOOD IDEA but i just cant do it because i want to fix this one. The first big block of writing after the WAITING has lots of problems but my head hurts so i will have to adjust that later.


	3. No one is in the bedroom with Rukia

**The Brain Never Stops...**

It was only eight thirty in the evening when she returned to her room feeling rather warm and who wouldn't? She threw herself on her bed and groaned loudly into its softness. She had received her little prize as went over tonight's dinner with Byakuya. Now she could lay frustrated on her bed because there was no way she would see Renji tonight after their little scene. She has also come to the conclusion that maybe it would be wise if she and Renji cooled things down permanently. She cannot go on feeling this way about the both of them. It was just kind of wrong and it made her feel bad too.

So did she really become that intense with Renji after her evenings with Byakuya? Perhaps at times that was the driving force behind the initial motive to be physical with Renji, but really it was hard to think about anyone else once their kissing started. Did he realize how beautiful he was? The feel of his long red hair between her fingers, intense eyes staring into hers, the way his lips felt against hers, large rough hands travelling over her body, and the way he said her name…Ruu…Kiii…aaa when she kissed his neck as he would grind his hips against hers. The thing is….it was true she had wanted him very badly. So much so she was almost willing to give herself away to him but he had stopped her.

'What is wrong with me?' That very thought pounded in her head as she closed her eyes so tightly thinking she could keep the tears from escaping.

Renji was an honest, loyal, and devoted friend. He would go to the ends of the earth for her and he had. When he congratulated her and encouraged her to become a Kuchiki a little part of her died as they separated at the proverbial fork in the road.

It's been a long time since they were this close since she was this close to anyone. She had desperately needed tenderness and not just from anyone. It had been so lonely for so long and then like magic they were both there each one asking for more of her. The one who let her go and the one who couldn't look at her, what could she do? She felt fearful that Renji would let her go again. After all he occasionally had other partners. So this was just messing around because it would be very hard to feel absolute trust there again. Would it be best not to love romantically at all? The pain of Kaien still haunts her heart at times. That's why she could never allow herself to love Ichigo in that way and the fact that he is still virtually a child. Then there was also the complicated issue of Byakuya. He like Kaien is ultimately unavailable. After all he did up and leave when she was laying on thick tonight. How embarrassing. Turning on to her back, she began to stare into the darkness that finally filled her bedroom. She laid there taking in the shadows of paintings on the wall and the outlines of many chappies that were sitting in various areas. She knew she had to get out of this house tonight. Getting up to turn the lights on and entering her bathroom to take a pee, she noticed she would need to change her panties before she left. It truly was horrible to be so utterly alone.

**Bring on the Night...**

Rangiku and Nanao had never seen Rukia in such a state before. When she arrived at Matsumoto's barracks she was all fluttery and excited and it seemed a little faked. She even had a little makeup on and a very pretty casual cotton kimono in grey with white peonies printed on the fabric. There were even decorative black lacquer sticks holding her hair up and a faint smell of sake.

"Let's go out and have some drinks, on me," Rukia announced.

"Sure thing Ms. Kuchiki," the busty vixen exclaimed and nudged Nanao.

"Oh sure thing, Rukia," Nanao replied.

"What do we owe this occasion to? " Rangiku asked, "Are we trying to make a certain fukutaicho jealous?"

"Renji ? " Rukia started to giggle, "Please don't make me laugh I will ruin my makeup. Besides Renji doesn't want me right now anyway," she said toning down her laughter. If she didn't laugh she would most certainly cry.

"Well okay I suppose we will be off," Rangiku said in sing song voice.

Rangiku Matsumoto didn't push the issue. She knew about Rukia and Renji. She also knew that he loved Rukia very much but on occasion would take home other girls as well. Sometimes she would yell at him when they were out, and he was flirting with another pretty girl. She would also remind him that a girl can only take so much before she had to walk away even if she didn't want to. She didn't understand his need to be good enough when the woman of his dreams stood right there in front of him. She would also inform him that his insecurities would be the destruction of their relationship because it made him do very VERY stupid things. Men they never listened, and she knew how painful a broken heart could be.

The sake house was very full when the women arrived. It really was hard to see who was there or not there, and that was fine with Rukia. The sliding doors on the sides of the building were open to let in the evening air. Glowing lights, smiling faces, laughter, the clinking of cups all made Rukia feel more relaxed. Several Shinigami men turned their heads to admire the three beautiful women who had just entered. It was then Taicho Kyoraku swept them up and placed them at his table with Rukia's Taicho as well. He wouldn't have random men ogling his beloved Nanao Chan.

"Your brother was just here but ducked out with Soi Fon," Kyoraku said raising an eyebrow to Rukia trying to make conversation with her.

"Wow…that is suprising?" Rukia seemed shocked but tried to keep her face calm as she made her reply, but she understood his insinuation.

"Shunshui we really do not need to postulate things we do not know as true," Ukitake says giving Rukia an apologetic look.

"What Niisama does on his own time is his business and not mine," Rukia responded while wondering if he did indeed have a "thing" going on with Soi Fong. Could he? No! Her insecurities were started to gnaw at her and with that took two shots of sake immediately.

"Hmmm Byakuya seems to have a thing for short dark haired girls. Is he really doing it with Soi Fon? Wow that must be interesting. I thought she liked girls?" Matsumoto says laughingly, "Hey maybe she could get those nude photos of him for the club," she added thoughtfully.

"Rangiku stop!" Rukia was practically shouting.

"OOOPs are we not supposed to talk about nobility like that in public?" Rukia gave Matsumoto her own version of the glare of death.

After that horrible exchange, the topic was finally changed, and Rukia was quite happy about that. She didn't want to think about Byakuya and Soi Fon.

She wanted to forget about both of the men in her life for just a few hours.

As the evening progressed, they all had many drinks and much laughter. The stories Taicho Kyoraku had to tell were hilarious. This was especially so when they involved Rukia's Captain. Ukitake would have to correct Kyoraku often. They were like an old married couple. At one time Ukitake was quite a lady killer. It was cute how Junnshiro Ukitake spent most of the time blushing while the stories were being told. She had to admit her Taicho was still quite good looking with his long white hair, boyish face, his body despite being ill often was still strong and hard, and he had such a sweet temperament.

"What in the hell am I thinking now?" Rukia reprimanded herself internally.

She has definitely had too much sake and needed to get home for there were too many things swirling around in her pretty little head right now. She stood up a bit wobbly at first, but was able to control herself.

"I am going to pay the bill right now, and then I will be off my friends. So I hope the rest of your evening is lovely," she said as she swayed a bit and waved goodbye.

It was Ukitake that followed Rukia out into the night leaving Shunsui with Nanao and Rangiku.

"Rukia," Ukitake called loudly, seeing her quite some distance away.

She stopped and turned around to see her Taicho and the glowing sake house in the distance. He looked like an illuminated spectre with his white hair and haori.

He shunpoed towards her. "Rukia you are too drunk to go home by yourself and without your zampaktou. I would be a terrible captain and friend to allow it, and what would your brother say?" He said smiling at her.

"He probably wouldn't say anything. Isnt he busy right now?" she said, sounding a bit disappointed.

"So how are things going with Byakuya? It seems you two have been a lot closer than before."

"They are going well and not so well, and Renji has been jealous about the whole thing…like he has any right," she blurted out not meaning to.

"He has been jealous of you and Byakuya? Is there something I am missing?" he said.

"Hn…They are both very annoying," she said, ignoring the real question he was asking.

Trying not to push farther, "Well if you ever need to talk, my door is always open to you."

"Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me, and I may take you up on that offer," she said looking up into his green eyes with a smile. Why can't I be in love with a nice man like him?

They walked a little farther in silence when Rukia finally turned to Ukitake. "Well Taicho, I am actually going to leave you here. I need to go see Renji, but thank you again for walking this far with me."The was tone polite and dismissive. She really had become a Kuchiki.

He just smiled at her as they parted ways. She suddenly and decisively knew she had to end her romantic relationship with Renji tonight. He didn't love her and he loved her, but not enough to stop being with other women. She couldn't tolerate that either in addition to her own confusion between Byakuya and him. It was those thoughts that started to bring tears to her eyes. She would never be allowed to marry him anyway, even if he stopped, and she was the only one in his life. They had let each other go a long time ago, and really they could never recapture the way it was for it was only truly a memory now. How she ached for Renji's kisses the second those thoughts crossed her mind, and then there was Byakuya who disappeared with Soi Fon this evening.

Feeling very sorry for herself she headed towards the sixth division.

**Letting Go...Maybe...**

It was almost midnight when Renji slid the front of his barracks door open to get some fresh air and drank some water from a cup. He was only wearing his hakama pants. His strong muscled chest and shoulders had many marks left on him from the pretty girl sleeping in his bed right now. He couldn't help it. When he saw Rukia tonight in her kimono and standing in front of that dinner scene he thought he was going to die. She looked so beautiful, and it was all for him for Byakuya. She finally had his attention, and she was going all out for him. When did her feelings turn romantic? How did his Taicho do it? He had turned both of them into adoring puppy dogs needing his approval. He wondered if Byakuya had any idea as to what Rukia was feeling. He had to notice how she had been acting. It wasn't that hard to miss. He observed Byakuya acting pretty much the same just a little more casual with her. If something was going on with Byakuya he was not the kind of man who would be obvious about it. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes while all these thoughts flooded his brain.

"Renji" a voice from the dark called out.

His eyes opened as he felt very startled. There she was coming out of the darkness into view. He started to feel a little nervous too.

"Go home Rukia you don't want to be here right now," the words coming out of his mouth softly, as he turned his head downward to avoid her eyes.

"Well I'm not, and I need to talk to you... that is all," she pleaded, "Can we go inside Renji?"

"No, and I don't feel like talking right now. SO GO HOME!" he started to sound like a dick now. His words coming out much harsher, looking down at the ground by her small feet as his chest tightened.

As she moved closer to him, she could see all the markings left by someone else on his chest and fully understood why he had been avoiding looking at her. She started to feel shaky and wondered if she could go through with this.

Once he finally looked upon her face, he saw that she had been crying. His heart started to pound, great.

Her voice shaky and her eyes locked on to his face, "Fine I will make it short then. You can be with whomever you want not that that has stopped you before or obviously now. I hope you find that one special person that you can give yourself to entirely. Good Bye Renji," she said, as she finally broke down and started to openly weep as she turned around to leave.

He leaned forward and grabbed her arm turning her around to look at him, "Fucking good bye as in it's over. That's all?" he said incredulously and angrily, one eyebrow up, as he wanted to shake her, and then kiss her all at the same time.

"You are the one who has just informed me that you do not want to talk because you have been BUSY. You are off the hook. You don't need to feel guilty. You don't belong to me nor I to you," she whispered loudly, through angry tears, her voice steady now and staring at the wall behind him.

He hated seeing her cry especially knowing she was crying because of him, but he didn't want to give in to comfort her either...she was leaving him and maybe he deserved it, and maybe he didn't. All he knew is he felt like dying right now. Finally he had been able to have her as a friend as well more than a friend, in all the ways he could at this point. He didn't want to let go. Oh the gods his heart was beating so hard right now, so with as much sarcasm he could muster to hide his breaking heart because he wasn't going to break down in front of her. "Oh that's RIGHT you have Byakuya NOW…what he finally GAVE YOU SOME and now you've come here to tell me it's over I'm off the FUCKING HOOK. I am never going to be off the fucking hook with you, DONT YOU GET IT? I LOVE YOU ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAY WILL."

With her hands now on her hips, and an angry teary face, "Why do you have to be so crass Renji? Byakuya doesn't want me and neither do you. Can you tell me you love me? Is that your love for me all over your chest? So tonight, why you BOTH were with other people, I made a decision…"she was cut off.

"Really… Byakuya is with someone…who is it?" Renji gasped, with shock and surprise all over his face, "Way to go Taicho." Renji also knew this couldn't be true because if his Taicho was getting his rocks off no one and he means no one would know about it. He was just trying to be a little more insensitive if you will and maybe Rukia would come to her senses eventually.

Throwing her hands up in exasperation "Could we stay on topic? You know what…again good bye. I am sorry that you think you love me but you don't. You love yourself and your need to feed your ego more. I know you don't really care about any of these girls. Why do you think I let this thing between us go on for so long? I need to be the only one Renji…the ONLY one and to never be let go of, and you just can't seem do that, and besides the Elders would never allow us to really be together. You know that right? She said in a terribly sad voice that made Renji's heart hurt.

She took one last look at him and turned around and left.

This would be the second time he let her go. This was not lost on the both of them.

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Oh Boy I have made some changes…..yes you know you like change….lots of change. Some of the dialogue between Renji And Rukia was changed because of a discussion pm I had with a reviewer….thanks coatl you have been most helpful in keeping me on track. Does that even make sense?

Anyway give me a review please…..pretty pretty please with sugar on top.

I made some slight changes. Thanks Figliedellatempesta again for the review. So if there is anyone out there who would like to impart some advice or suggestions, it would be nice to hear in the review section. Okay i added more. Is it too much or is it better. Review. Thanks


	4. Bumping Byakuya

More change….hopefully its change you can count on!

Does one really have to mention the fact that i dont own these characters?

Enjoy!

**Sad but still angry….**

Returning home from her confrontation with Renji, she enters the property through the back gates into the garden. Her heart is feeling heavy, and a little angry. That anger is directly related to Byakuya.

Feeling a little too sober, new thoughts started race through her mind. What right does he have to look at me with those eyes? What right does he have to whisper into my ear without reservation? He surely knows the effects these actions have. He knows he is a devastatingly attractive man. Her heart gives a sudden ache as she thinks of Byakuya. She never wants that wonderful feeling of protection he gives to her to end. He knows I have wanted more of a relationship than what we have had in the past. So why release THOSE particular charms on me, and that is exactly what he has done especially if he wants to take someone else to his bed or go to someone else's. Has he assumed that this is the kind of relationship I would want? Is it what I want? Do I want more than that? Not in the beginning, but now everything is so different. He has lit a fire inside of me I cannot stamp out. Why…Why…Why?

All of these emotions feel so dangerous to her. She feels like a sex starved teenager. What a truly embarrassing thought even though no sex has been involved.

"What a perfect pair He and Renji are and what of me? I am total hypocrite," the sound of her voice ringing in her ears.

Her body is exhausted from the constant tension that has been flowing through it all evening. These thoughts are starting to make her head hurt as she finally passes from the garden into the manor.

Entering the manor and treading softly down the halls to her room, she walks directly into Byakuya. Their bodies softly collide, and now she is going to land directly on her butt because she loses her balance. It is Byakuya who reaches out to pull her up and steady her before it happens.

"Please pay attention to where you are going Rukia," he says quietly and yet ever so sternly.

"Oh I am sorry, I wasn't paying attention," the words came out rather quietly. Then looking at him and becoming visibly annoyed. "OH, you are home?" she blurts out, the sound of it slightly echoing off the dimly lit walls.

"Yes, it would appear that way," an internal wave of confusion sweeps over his mind, as the words came out calm and his expression flat. He goes on, "Rukia, please be at breakfast tomorrow morning , we are having guests, and I need to speak to you about some things during that time, you should go to bed now."

He nodded at her dismissively, as he seemingly floats by and out of her sight, not waiting for a response.

Fantastic, I have a meeting in the morning. That was the last of her thoughts as she enters her room, and lies down on her bedding before her mind surrenders to sleep.

**Tension...**

Under normal circumstances he would have never tolerated her speaking to him in that manner. Was that anger intentionally directed at him? However, their soft body collision had completely unnerved him. Yes, he has crossed the line in some of his behavior lately, but touching? No, there was never actually any touching. When he did feel the need to touch her, he always found a way to extricate himself, like tonight at dinner, like right now. When there was contact, it was shocking, literally like millions of fluttery volts of electricity travelling through his entire being. His body was still surging from the previous moments, and the thoughts he knew would be exploding through his mind shortly. If they had touched at dinner tonight he might not have been able to hold back. With certainty, there could be no more pushing of things. It was time to take a step back. They could still certainly spend time together but she was beginning to respond to eagerly to him. Yes he would very much like to have her but he couldn't. The uproar the elders would cause and he couldn't keep her as a lover, could he? What a truly desperate thought. She deserved better than being a kept woman. However he didn't want Renji to have her or anyone else for that matter but ultimately he was not in control of that. He would be too jealous to see his love with someone else.

That's right. Did he just say love?

She was stunning tonight in her grey and white floral yukata, her violet eyes sparkling in the lantern light boldly as she basically dared him to chase her down. That is what she was doing, right? How he wanted to reach out, roughly flip her over right there, and tie her hands up behind her with her obi. There would be a small amount of pain involved for threatening to leave. Does she think she could get away if something between them started? The desire to start something is very intense at the moment as well. He clenched his jaw at the imagined Rukia blushing in the moment as she would tilt her head to the side to look back at him. That image was painfully delicious. He looked at his hands and thought about all the places he could put his fingers inside of her as well. The imaginary gentle moans of her seemed to echo in his brain. He could almost feel the silky wetness of her womanhood on his hands and fingers. He let out an audible groan. He needed to calm his mind because he kept playing scenarios in his head which he knew were not possible.

He was thankful it was late, and he was alone, as the ache and size of his groin intensified. He gave himself a moment to focus on nothing and let the desire pass. Licentious was a perfect word for these feelings which also reminded him of Yoruichi Shihoin and being an adolescent. She was the best teacher he had ever had and also the worst. Her teasing was incessant as were the thoughts of her body during his youth. He let out a sigh, and realized he was standing in exact spot of his erotic hallucination. It was definitely time to return to his room. Breakfast time would arrive all too quickly.

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so please review...please.


	5. Being Byakuya

So this chapter changes completely as well as changing the rest of the story. I am sorry if you happened to like this part.

**WTF….**

Rukia looked quite provocative even though she was nursing a small sake induced headache from the previous evening. She was flushed and damp with black strands of hair slick against her face and neck as she stood in front of the full length mirror in her bathroom examining her body. Her whole body looked a pinker as the color of the bathroom tiles imbued their rosy glow to her as the sun began to shine through the windows that morning. She looked as milky as a cherry blossom moon in the still steamy room. It was then that she began applying oil scented of sandalwood and rose.

Unbeknownst to herself, Byakuya had entered her room wanting to personally make sure she would be at breakfast on time this morning knowing it had been quite late when they came across each other so early this morning. He entered without a knock. What was he thinking? Perhaps he was testing himself or fate. What was he hoping to find by behaving this way? All he knew is this had to stop and why was he constantly having to remind himself of it? He knew what he wanted to see and as he acknowledged this began to move backwards with the notion of leaving. There was time to undo his error his most certain lapse in judgment. It was that moment time started moving more slowly more oddly. He watched as steam unfurled itself into the room like an ominous white serpent from the door of her bathing room. He could almost hear it hissing at him in a mocking tone "sssssssssssssss" ever so softly. As it started to dissipate the scent of sandalwood and roses started a different assault on his senses as well. There she was doubly reflected off of a mirror into which he found his eyes watching. A part of him below twitched at the sight before him. It was then he realized he had moved even closer to the door and not further back at all.

Horror washed over both of them as each of them saw the other.

She covered her body in a thin mauve silk robe which clung to her still dampened skin not leaving much to the imagination. What possible excuse could he use to justify this intrusion? How long had he been in her room watching? He was LOOKING at me! These thoughts travelled through her head before any conclusions or meanings could be applied when "CRASH!" the bottle of her scented oil dropped slipped through her fingers to the floor. Oil splattered everywhere and little bits of splintered glass now littered the floor around her feet. It had also sprayed the bottom of Byakuya's uniform.

Instantly she was on her knees trying to pick up the bigger pieces of glass and then throwing a towel over the rest of glass and oil.

"Stop Rukia, get up before you cut yourself." Those words came out of his mouth quite sternly and harsh and without looking at her. It was like the old distant Byakuya had returned.

With a trembling voice and eyes lowered, "Niisama I am sorry the oil splashed you." Why is she apologizing right now is all she could think even as the words left her lips.

He extended his hands to help her up and over the mess he helped create without looking at her. He had been splattered with her fragrance. Her hands were oily now his. "I am the one who needs to apologize for this intrusion." He offered no more explanation as he left quickly with a look on his face she could not decipher. Something had changed and not for the better.

**Breakfast….**

As Byakuya changed out of his clothing into a new uniform he tried not to go over what just happened too intensely. This is because all it would serve to do is drive him crazy and there were guests to greet.

'Shit…Shit…Shit.' These words seemed to form the new mantra which was on repeat in his brain. That was saying a lot as Byakuya rarely used common living world expletives because he was rarely in that position. There was also no time to completely remove the scent of Rukia from his person as well. Taking a few deep calming breaths and finally leaving his room he was ready to face the morning he had arranged.

Rukia didn't care if she was late. That was how it was going to be for right now and really what did he expect from her? Finally she was able pull it together enough to fix her hair and get dressed properly. At this point her gut burned with humiliation from the encounter. How could he watch me like that even if I wanted him to look? He acts like he wants me and then he is as cold as ice even colder, and what about Taicho Fon her insecurity about that coming back to her mind. With a shiver she left her room as her concentration had lowered the temperature of the room significantly. She floated silently across those beautiful wood floors thinking about how she was almost sliding across them when she heard conversation and felt the taste of bile rising in her throat.

'Calm down,' she told herself gently.

Of course he was already there as a good host would be. His kenseikan and hair looking perfect once again, and it looked as though he changed into a new uniform as well. His expression was calm and somewhat interested in the conversation. The room was filled with sunshine as one of the walls was opened to enjoy the view of the garden. The wall facing the garden inside of the room had a beautiful mural of yellow peonies and dragon flies on a background of the lightest shade of salmon which the rest of the walls of the rooms were stained too. The low table was filled with bowls of miso, steamed rice with natto, rolled omelets, pickled vegetables, and tea. Above the table, the ceiling donned a cluster of the sheerest of sea green silk lanterns. What a lovely scene to arrive into, but really it was the last place Rukia wanted to be. Bowing as she entered the room, she smiled and was a bit surprised to the faces of captains Ukitake Soi Fon and Hitsugaya, and also Renji. Suddenly she felt very hot. She would be glad for autumn soon. 'Oh crap,' her last thought as she took her seat.

As it turns out the whole breakfast meeting was about her. Renji was there because he needed to meet with Byakuya because he had calligraphy obligations today and wouldn't be at his division until later in the afternoon. Byakuya had finally agreed to Rukia being seated as a fukutaicho under one condition that she seriously trains and train to develop her bankai. Hitsugaya was there because his bankai was an ice type. Sui Feng was there because she was the best at hand to hand combat something Rukia definitely needed to improve upon. Byakuya wanted the Taichos to be able to talk with her and ask questions to make sure they knew they wouldn't be wasting their time on her. They had already agreed last night after talking to Byakuya, but he still felt it was important for them to get a feel from her before really settling on an agreement.

Perhaps some might think he was overstepping his bounds concerning her. Certainly Ukitake did because of his refusal of her becoming a Fukutaicho for so long. Byakuya liked being in control and control her he would. She belonged to him to the Kuchiki Clan, and just as he would make sure Renji furthered himself because he also belonged to him to his division. It was personal very personal. He also wanted Renji to know what he was willing to do when he actually thought Renji would be serious. The thing was Byakuya wasn't that hard to figure out. There was a reason Rukia was in the 13th division under Ukitake. There was a reason Renji was his Fukutaicho. Renji could be idiotic and rash but he had talen. He was also very dear to Rukia who in turn belongs to Byakuya. It all related back to him to his expectations to his own training and how he related that back to those he cared for. Just as all of this related back to a woman he loved once for a short time. However it was time to move forward to live life again in a similar but new way...if only he could. The problem was Byakuya's own thoughts and feelings were becoming more and more convoluted.

Rukia was thankful when the meal meeting was over. It was pleasant enough and filled with good news. She was being promoted and starting a new training regime. She was still unsure about this morning but that could wait for later. She also figured out there was nothing going on between Taicho Fong and Byakuya. Really what was wrong with her? Byakuya would never be so indiscreet but then there was what happened this morning. Besides Byakuya the only thing that was disturbing this morning was Renji. He seemed to boring holes into her with his eyes. Last night was pretty terrible but couldn't he control himself? Although the Byakuya she knew calm cool and collected was at breakfast she still felt relived about having her own quarters now. How fortuitous? Maybe this was planned and maybe this is Byakuya's way of trying to get rid of her. Would he really do that after all these months of bonding? Of course he would. Things had really been too much. The boundaries stepped over one too many times. Renji had even figured her feelings out. Byakuya loved Hisana not her. She would only ever be just an imitation of the love he had known. He obviously felt something. That is something she knew for sure after the bathing room incident and did not want to dishonor her sister with someone as lowly as her.

Her Taicho kept eyeballing her as they walked back to their division silently. Finally Uikitake broke the silence as if he heard some of her thoughts.

"So that is why your brother and Taicho Fon left together last night. He had come to see me about letting me promote you. He talked about your new development in skills and how he thought you were really ready to achieve bankai with serious training. I think it makes him feel better to know you will soon have more power. Shuunsui always has a way of making things seem off color, dont you think? It's best to take what he says with a grain of salt. It felt a little tense in there with Renji "Ukitake chuckled, while flashing Rukia a very handsome smile.

"Taicho," she said a little hesitantly, "Could I move into my quarters today?"

"Is everything alright? he said while cocking his head to the side and looking at her.

"Yes everything is fine. I just thought since I am the new Fukutaicho I should be at the division on a regular basis you know...why did Byakuya say something?" she eagerly replied turning a little bit pink.

" Of course move in whenever you want. Why dont you take the rest of the week off to get situated and well maybe you could bake something for tonight's division celebration, and what about Byakuya do you think he will mind you moving out? "He said to her.

"I doubt it," she smiled, "What kind of pastries would like?"

reviews with positive criticisms would be nice.


	6. Trying to Resolve Things

yes more changes...i combined chapters 4 and 5. So now this one is 6. Let me know what you think?

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**Renji...**

He was seething. There were actually no words to describe what he was exactly feeling. He sat there holding back the entire time just the way his Taicho would do trying to be as stoic and calm as possible. 'Un-fucking believable,' was all he could keep saying in his brain never daring to let any words slip from his mouth. He knew who he was and stupid was not a part of that. So he sat there and stood there that whole time constipated with fury. Silent and cold is how his meeting with his Taicho was after breakfast. Brief would best describe what happened because he had to get the hell out of there.

Rose and sandalwood had been delicately drifting towards him as Byakuya sat there talking with the other Taichos. All Renji could think is that the world was going insane because how many reasons could there be for Byakuya to smell of Rukia. Could Taicho be slipping up? His mind did not want to believe that because that was impossible, or was it? She was also suspiciously late as well. When she finally arrived she could barely look at him or her supposed brother.

Once he finally arrived at the sixth division he immediately sent the seated person below him to assemble the squad for training drills of hand to hand combat. He was not his normal congenial self today. He was stern, focused, and unforgiving during the training. He actually broke the arm of one of his subordinates accidentally. He had no control on the practice field and just took it that far in a silent rage that actually took many of the squad members aback. The summer heat seemed to add to the fierceness of his fighting. One must remember Abarai Renji was once placed in the 11th division for a reason. He pushed them hard and for hours. He only allowed one thirty minute break. When combat resumed there were more minor casualties.

"Abarai end this," the jolting steel voice of his Taicho interrupted his movements. Byakuya had finally arrived to assess the training and was not pleased.

"Why don't you join me for one last spar?" Renji spat out.

"Enough! This is not the 11th division and your brutality and rudeness has been noted. Quit while you are ahead. Do not embarrass us both," Byakuya's tone was filled with ice.

"Hai," Renji bowed and then turned to the rest of the squad and dismissed them for the day as it was already four in the afternoon.

Renji returned to their office in exactly thirty minutes freshly showered looking neat and presentable. Byakuya was there waiting with paperwork for Renji to fill out.

"You are dismissed when you are finished filling out these incident reports for injuries caused by YOU today Abarai," Byakuya calmly stated as he placed the paper work on Renji's desk.

Renji breathed in deeply as Byakuya stood before his desk and noticed something.

"Hey Taicho you smell differently than this morning." The words hung in the air for a few moments.

"I will see you tomorrow, "Byakuya replied as he left the office with a wave of irritation passing over his face Renji could not see.

At six o clock the sun was still strong, bright, and hot. Renji was also done with his work at last. He currently needed to see Rukia and felt considerably desperate in this desire. Trying to locate her riatsu he was pleased that she was still at her division which meant he did not have go to the Kuchiki manor.

**Unrequited**

Noticing the blur of Renji through the large set of windows a feeling of dread washed over Rukia's body. He has shunpoed himself to the 13th division. She saw him walking towards the entrance of the mess hall which was in full party mode. She had even baked pastries earlier in the afternoon for the almost impromptu division party celebrating her promotion. She was a Fukutaicho now. She needed to meet things head on. So she picked up an apricot tart and started walking towards the entrance to greet him maybe a wise decision or maybe not, but not dealing with him would not be right.

Her heart was beating so hard she thought she might lose her breath. "Hello Renji. I am so glad you could drop by." Thankfully her voice came out smooth and calm. Her eyes were looking into his brown ones intensely.

"Could I have a moment of your time?" Renji asked with a smile on his face. His own heart was currently fluttering out of control as well. It was her Taicho who interrupted them by asking if everything was okay giving Renji a very serious and intimidating look.

"Everything is perfect Ukitake Taicho I just wanted to steal a little time with the Kuchiki Princess here," he said with a bit of sarcasm.

"Its fine, I'm fine. Shall we go for a walk then Renji?" Her body language was a little hesitant.

Once outside they were both silent. Renji decided to eat his pastry as the smell of it reminded him he had only eaten a small amount at breakfast. They walked in silence for about ten minutes to a secluded spot in the gardens of her division. He noted in his mind that she looked like she was waiting for a bomb to drop. She suddenly sat down under a maple tree to give herself some shade when he also sat down next to her and captured her mouth in a very gentle and sensual kiss. Pulling her on to his lap she straddled him and kissed him back. She didn't want to but she couldn't help herself while she tasted the sweetness of apricot on his lips and tongue. Eventually she tried to pull back but he only pulled her closer increasing his grasp on her waist. Finally he pushed her on to her back on the ground never breaking the contact between their lips. When he broke the kiss he held himself over her looking at her beautiful face praying this moment would last forever.

His body was trembling from an aching heart and overworked muscles as he spoke," I love you Rukia I will love you forever no matter what. I let you go once but I refuse to let you go now. Just because I didn't chase after you last night doesn't mean I let go. I realize things are different...waaaay different now and we have both changed a lot but I won't share you."

"You know what happens when you assume baka," she said closing her eyes and letting out a long sigh.

"He smelled of you Rukia don't deny it, and what was with that lame story that he was with somebody. Please I already asked you not to fuck with my head."

"I didn't sleep with him….god Renji."

"You kissed him though," he replied as he let himself finally roll on to his back lying next to her on the ground.

"Renji do you hear yourself? What were YOU doing last night?"

"Did you kiss him? Dont make me repeat myself Rukia. I already feel like an asshole."

"There were no kisses nothing happened Renji," she said in a quiet voice wondering what the real repercussions of all of this would be and not revealing all that had happened that morning.

He rolled over on to his side facing her and just looked at her.

Feeling frustrated she finally spoke," Is that so unbelievable? Do you think I would lie to you?"

With that comment he was up on his feet again pacing back and forth.

"How do I fucking compete with him Rukia? I let him take you away without realizing what was really going to happen or the consequences of you becoming a noble. I know this all started with a promise to your sister but obviously things have changed. Now I'm just going crazy and I don't know what to do or how to keep my heart from dying. Yes I sleep around occasionally. It makes me feel not so attached otherwise I feel like my world my sanity is going to collapse. It's how I cope. I know it's ridiculous and selfish, but there it is. I'm sorry. It is part of who I have become and I am working on changing it

"Not to change the subject but did you really break someone's arm today Renji?" she spoke softly.

"Yes but not on purpose I have been frantic all day. I just wanted to rip Byakuya's head off."

"And what about mine…do you want to rip my head off too?"

"I hated you like poison all day until I saw you….Are you in love with him?"

Still lying on the ground she covered her face with her hands and let out big loud sobs,

"Let me go Renji. I don't deserve you. I will only make you look like a fool if I haven't already just let me go please."

Kneeling back down on the ground and pulling her hands from her face his body now hovering over hers while pinning her hands to the ground. "Rukia stop crying STOP…..Do you love me?" He said those words so tenderly she stopped breathing and hoped for the second time today she would just die suddenly. His serious yet handsome face was too much to take. So she needed to be brutally honest and it felt like something terrible.

"I love you both so I can't have either of you and as I stated last night he doesn't want me either…. I am sorry everything has changed so much with that one decision but what is done is done. We cannot be anything more because I would choose him if I could. If you hate me or need to hate me I totally understand and would not blame you. I also think we should stay away from each other for a while."

And with those words he bent his head down and placed a final kiss on her lips and said, "Please remember that I do love you."

As he released her from himself, she felt a little peace knowing he didn't flip out. It would take them time to recover though perhaps another fifty years but she hoped it would be less. The real question however was would her and Byakuya ever recover from what happened? She was sure they would because if they could just pretend nothing happened and avoid each other for a long while they could forget. It is time to do the right thing for everyone.

Returning to the mess hall with a smile on her face was difficult but doable. Byakuya hadn't come to the celebration. She sent him a message inviting him but there was no response. It was not surprising. It was classic Byakuya. What did she really expect? It was really better this way. It was one step toward undoing what they had been doing. The celebration finally wound down by the time it was dark. So it was time to go home and finalize things.

Walking back to the manor it was nice to be alone with her thoughts again. She had a few days before she would be starting her new training. This also meant she would be moving in to her Fukutaicho living quarters. She had spent the morning cleaning up her new residence. She was done playing games exciting as they had been, but it was really Renji who had been hurt the most. Had he really been waiting to be with her all that time? That was not acceptable. It took a little more than fifty years for something really minute in the scheme of things to happen between Byakuya and her. So it was best to end it now. This is why it would be best to move out of the manor. It would be best to end their so called family nights and best to return to their former relationship. It was definitely best to avoid those stormy grey eyes and his handsomely stoic face as well and best to never think about what happened earlier in the day. These thoughts reinforcing her previous ones when Renji and she had parted even though her heart hurt like it never had before.

How could she really focus on training with all of this emotional drama going on in her life? She was thankful Renji sought her out to talk as painful as it had been. She was glad to know Byakuya would not approach her about this. So it would be easier to let go even though it would be disappointing. She would get over it because it was better to let it go. Better to close the door on something that barely was. He was not Renji. He wasn't going to fight her for her. Does that even make sense? She was only a favor to her dead sister. Who had time for love when there were souls to save and hollows to destroy? Her resolve was strong as she approached the front gates of the manor.

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Yes there were changes but not too many….so give a review….as you can tell I take them rather seriously.

well there it is...any questions?...some reviews would be totally appreciated good or bad but not mean...okay? as this is my first real attempt at writing:)


	7. Well Suprise Suprise

So here is the latest chapter. its short. sorry but i was really having a hard time deciding where to take this plus i also run a plant nursery business and art shop with my husband so this has been kind of on the back burner leaving my mind in a puddle when it comes to this. so i think i know where this is going...well maybe. also i dont own this obviously.

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The mansion was silent. Well it's usually silent but oddly so. It made her feel a little unnerved as there was no one to greet her as usual except for the sentry that was always on duty outside the manor and it wasn't even that late. Her quiet footsteps were barely audible as she made her way to her room. The soft light from the hallway made her eyes feel heavy and tired and she was. What a day indeed. She needed a bath and then she could begin to pack her things. The uneasy question of the moment was when to approach Byakuya about changing her permanent living situation

As she entered her room it still smelled faintly of rose and sandalwood. She made her way through her almost dark room to turn the light on when it was as if someone had punched her solar plexus. She wanted to vomit. These sensations had been plaguing throughout the day but this was intense and then she saw why. He was sitting there at her desk quietly hiding his riatsu and then unleashed it when she started to enter her room. She stopped and just stared at his dark figure there not knowing what to say or do. She could feel her body vibrating with nervous energy because she was so freaked out. She watched him slowly rise and walk towards her.

"This is for you a replacement because of what happened this morning. I was writing you a note. I had expected that you would have stayed in your new quarters this evening." He handed her a beautiful wooded box with floral engravings which were stained in pinks and greens and gold.

"Nii," his hand touched her mouth to stop the words from coming out. His face was stern and his eyes keenly on her lips as he lowered his hand.

It was then she noticed he was in a simple sleeping kimono and his hair flowed freely without his kensikan. She could tell he was freshly bathed because the smell of soap still lingered on his skin. Why was he this close to her? A fluttering sensation swept through her thighs and she looked away from him. It was that moment she decided to open the wooded box she had been grasping for her dear life in those few moments.

She looked up nervously, "Oh thank you for the oil." She quickly placed the beautiful box on her desk to occupy herself for a moment to adjust to his gaze.

His stare was burning her skin. She started to break out in a sweat above her brow. Her face was flush and all she wanted to do was run out of the room. She also noticed how deeply he was breathing as if he was trying to calm himself. The words came out so slowly giving his handsome face a slight look of pain.

"Ruuukiia, I want you." The slowly said words were almost a whisper and when they hit her ears she felt like her knees were going to buckle.

His large hands which were slightly calloused gently grasped her face as he bent down his mouth sideways as his lips and tongue touched hers. She stood there as still as a statue her mouth barely open as his lips and tongue touched hers. Honestly she was afraid to move, afraid this would stop, afraid this moment would disappear, or never manifest. His mouth was like a fire to her ice. She was melting and fast. She returned his tentative kiss and bit his lip. "Niiiisaaamma," she softly called out into his mouth.

The feel of the bite and the forbidden pleasure of being called brother as he kissed her were quickly undoing him. He was so hard he didn't know how he was going to hold back. The sensation of his seeping self was almost blinding and painful. With gentle ease it would seem he lowered them to her bed where he deepened his kiss as his hands reached through her hair gently pulling her head back for greater access to her mouth.

She actually looked a little bit frightened and that was turning him on immensely as well. He could not let any previous fantasies enter his mind. He knew what his intentions were when he arrived home and dismissed the front house staff for the evening. He had informed them that Rukia would be moving out to her new quarters and wanted them to help her with the transition the next morning so they could take the evening off. This was only a half truth. Ukitake had informed him of Rukia's decision earlier in the day. He knew she would return home at some point tonight where he would be waiting for her waiting to taste her lips. She had wanted him to chase her down, right? So he decided after the morning ended after his meeting with Renji she would be his and his alone but he couldn't take her just yet. There would be no fucking. He also had to figure out a way to make this work with the clan because they were constantly at his heels to remarry and remarry "a noble" this time no exceptions.

The kiss became deeper as each one sucked at the others tongue and lips. Byakuya bit her lips back. The kiss became frenzied, wet and lost its initial rhythm. His body actually started to shake while they kneeling on her bed. They parted breathing heavily due to lack of air. She started to speak and he put his fingers to her lips to quiet her. It was then she took his hand and two of his fingers into her mouth and sucked them gently twirling her tongue around them. Her face was tense with desire. He took his hand away because the thought of her tongue doing those things to other parts of his anatomy could make him lose complete control. He removed her sword and gently placed her by the side of the bed. Then he sat on the bed pulling her on to his lap straddling him. She looked startled as she could feel him. He smiled which nearly killed her.

"Rukia I want to take this as slowly as we can," he said with a voice so low and hoarse it made every part of her body tingle. She wondered how he could say this as he started a trail of kisses from her lips to the hollow of her neck. Had he no idea what he was doing to her panties?

"Then keep your kisses to my lips and not on other parts of my body. I cannot take it," her reply said in a desperate tone.

He looked at her with a cocked eyebrow. He didn't like being questioned, but he would tolerate it this time, and then began a new assault on her lips. She met his kiss with equal fury. Their hands were groping each other wildly. He pushed her back into the pillows of her bed without breaking their kiss. Her legs wrapped around his hips as they ground their covered sexes into each other as intense waves of pleasure and pain engulfed their bodies for what seemed like hours. That is when it happened. The white hot tense sensation contracting all over her body and this time she was not all by herself. She had actually had an orgasm right then and then a flash flood of tears. She was crying and she felt stupid. He sat up, held her in his arms and gently caressed her hair with his hands.

He was surprised to say the least. He knew that sound granted he had not heard it very often in these last fifty something odd years but he knew. She had come. He also knew he was responsible for the tears which ripped his heart open. It was now as clear as day. They both knew the game each was playing and it wasn't a game.

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im sure there are plenty of typos so sorry about that. im sure some of you will think bya is out of character here but i dont think so especially when he decides he wants something. i tried to practice some restraint. i also hope its not so cheesy either. so let me know what you think? and be nice okay? lots of love xoME!

update i went back and tried to work some stuff out

thanks again aang fan and peepingtom!


	8. The Morning After

So here is another installment. i hope you like it. sorry for any mistakes.

i dont own any of these characters

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He watched her for hours while she slept and occasionally drifted off into sleep himself only to open his with satisfaction. She looked so peaceful so relaxed finally. She also looked delightfully delicious in this mess of a bed they had created earlier. He never wanted to hear her cry again. It was too painful especially knowing his inability to be open with her had caused her sorrow. This made his desire to please her and have her even more intense. It was truly a testament to his will power to not push things too far the first time this first night of such intimacy.

He had made his decision about her before he returned to his squad to confront an angry Renji. Of course Renji had assumed the worst of the situation because that was his nature to be too rash. He was surprised that he held it together without a vomitous display of emotion right then and there. He would also never give Renji the satisfaction of ruffling his feathers concerning her.

'He is learning,' he thought to himself, 'Perhaps the time to push Renji out of the nest is coming sooner that I thought.'

That afternoon he had also received an invitation during calligraphy to come to Rukia's party at her squad in the early evening. He assumed Renji would be there and thought it best to avoid him which was apparently the right choice especially after his words at the office. Ukitake also informed Byakuya of Rukia's move into the fukutaicho quarters as he did with all important information and changes in Rukia's status in the 13th squad. As soon as he arrived home he ordered the front house staff to take the evening off because they would be helping Rukia with her move. Several of the staff looked sad especially the kitchen staff as she had been spending lots of time with them these past two seasons. They would be packing up any special tools and common things she used from the kitchen as her new kitchen should be equipped with things she like to use in her baking and cooking efforts as well as her dining room. The other house staff would be packing her furniture and purchasing any new bedding and linens she might be in need of. He wanted to do so much more but knew this might be overbearing.

So now the only problem was how to make this work. She would be out of the house so there would be limited gossip about them because he didn't know how he could hold back from kissing her now. He also reminded himself not to get carried away. He knew he could become overwhelming very quickly as he still wasn't really sure what she was feeling exactly. It was obvious they were both attracted to each other but there was so much to consider.

He kept hearing her say,' You can't stop me,' as he continued his quiet vigil over her. The statement was a daring challenge indeed and a challenge to stay in control at the very least. The previous morning had everything out of control and his lack communication had made matters worse. The apologies instantly came out of her mouth even though he was responsible for what happened. It was like they morphed into their old roles instantaneously and that scared him. When he arrived for his calligraphy duties that morning he literally thought he was going to throw up. The thought of her being so apologetic and the seriousness on her face made him cringe because now knowing that is not her at all. She really had turned into a Kuchiki and he never wanted her to be like that with himself again.

He noticed that it was a matter of time before the light grey of early morning would appear and that meant servants would be rustling around in the manor. He caressed her sleeping face and bent down to kiss her once more before he returned to his own quarters to get ready for the day. She stirred as his lips touched hers and her eyes opened. Her face had a soft dreamy look upon it.

"Hmmmm it wasn't a dream then," she said to him in soft voice reaching up to touch his cheek.

"No it was not, better though?" He said so seriously with an intense gaze of very serious grey eyes.

She gave a little smile and nodded her head yes.

"Nii…I mean Byakuya sama I need to tell you something."

"You are moving out of the manor."

"How did you know?" She looked at him quite confusedly and then a look of realization," Hmmmm my taicho tells you everything."

He bent in to kiss her once more and informed her to be up soon so they could go over the arrangements he had made for this morning. As he rose to leave he also informed her that niisama would probably be the best way to address him for the time being or at least until things could be figured out.

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The morning turned out to be yet another whirlwind. They met for breakfast briefly as he explained what arrangements he had made for her new living arrangements. It wasn't surprising that he had taken so much upon himself for her as he was very organized man. He had to be as he headed the sixth squad and one of the four great noble houses in the Seireitei. He informed her that her fukutaicho quarters must be up to par because she may occasionally have to deal with visitors as in the elders of the clan. She was a little horrified about having the elders drop by but she understood. They needed to be sure her lifestyle reflected the honor of the name kuchiki. It was also almost unheard of to have a noble women live outside of the family.

The only problem is that now that things have changed between her and Byakuya she didn't want to be away from him. They would no longer be sharing breakfasts, dinners, and be so close in proximity. Now that she is living away from the manor when would they get the opportunity to make love and she wanted to make love with him. Last night's make out and groping session had been so intense. She couldn't believe she actually came from the grinding and the thought of that happening when they were unclothed was dizzying. However she was rather embarrassed because of the river of tears that came out. He seemed fine this morning. So she doesn't think she freaked him out which is a good thing.

What was going to happen between them now? Were they going to have to get married or would he keep her as a lover? Would he have to marry someone else? That thought made her almost puke up her breakfast. If she did marry him would she have to give up her new rank? It has taken so long to get it. Could she give it up if that meant being with Byakuya? Would the elders even approve? That thought made her doubly ill. What if he did marry someone else because the elders didn't approve or she wouldn't give up her position? What? What? What? She needed to stop all this thinking that was for sure.

By the time she had arrived at her new quarters she felt exhausted.

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well i hope you liked it. i know its extra short. so let me know what you think? Be nice!


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